Tweet

Funny One Liners

Read along.. All of them are really good and some truly awesome

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die.

if you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her

I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4:00 p.m. today

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich

War does not determine who is right - only who is left

Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

When in doubt, mumble.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off

Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

I think, therefore I'm single.

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Funny Anti-Microsofy Quotes

Disclaimer:
Unlike most unix lovers, I do not hate microsoft or condemn Mr Gates. Come on guys. Lets give him the credit he deserves. He is the one who brought computer to every home. Thanks to him, my grandpa can play movies on computer. That said, however i cannot help but "Laugh Out Loud" at the following anti-windows quotes. Have FUN....


* The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck, is probably the day Microsoft starts making vacuum cleaners. ~ Ernst Jan Plugge

* Microsoft's biggest and most dangerous contribution to the software industry may be the degree to which it has lowered user expectations. ~ Esther Schindler

* Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product. ~ Ferenc Mantfeld

* When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*' ~ Linus Torvalds

* ...I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need an interpreter. ~ Nicholas Petreley

* Computers are like air-conditioners, they stop working properly when you open Windows. ~ Anon.

* Windows 9x is: A 32-bit extension of a 16-bit graphical shell of an 8-bit operating system coded for a 4-bit processor by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition. ~ Anon.

* How dare the government intervene to stifle innovation in the computer industry! That's Microsoft's job, dammit. ~ Anon.

*People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

* The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.

Where were you, When i needed you the most??

I am not a poet. Never written a poem. This just came to me while sitting at beach. Its in hindi, language i can actually express my heart out.

Jab main tanha tha tum kaha thi,
jab pukara tumhe tum kaha thi.
Kaha thi tum jab har pal meri aanken bhar aati thi,
Kaha thi jab pal pal ki judai mujhe tadpati thi.

Aaj jab mere paas sahara hain
To khayal tumhe mera aaya hain
Pyar to ab bhi karta hoon main tumse,
Kya karu mazboor jo hu is dil se,
Par ab tumhare paas nahi aaunga,
Is toote dil ko ab jod na paaunga.
Dil tootne ka dard ab tumhe bhi ehsaas hoga,
Tumne jo kiya ab woh tere saath hoga

www.ourindia2020.com- Lets make a difference

Hey guys... Some time back we celebrated our 59th Republic Day... All of us celebrated it.. We all sang our national anthem . chanted 'Jai Hind'.. Put our National flag on our shirts.. Sent emails about how great our country is... Wished each other "Happy Republic Day" whole day.. and then......... And then We forgot all about it

Thats a bitter truth.. How many of us ever sing our national anthem between jan 26th and aug 15th.. or for that matter between aug 15th and jan 26th... Why dont we talk about greatness of our country between those dates... Is our motherland great only on Republic day and Independence day???? It really pains me getting mails like "Be proud to be an indian..".... Do we need to be told this??? .... Aren't we already proud of our motherland.. and those of us who aren't, is this message motivational enough to make them??.

Being patriotic isn't about just celebrating Independence day and Republic day.. Nor is it chanting "Chak De" everytime india wins a cricket match... its not about blind donation to charity either.. and its surely not about criticizing others for what they have done to our motherland....... Patriotism is about making a difference--- creating awareness--- however small, that helps in making our motherland a greater nation... Can't we do it???

Doesn't it pain you when india is called a Developing nation... With all its glorious history, we are still an underdeveloped nation.. How do you feel when we rank top among corruption.... or when you see us fighting among ourselves, shedding blood on trivial issues... Doesnt that hurt you... or make you cry??? I firmly believe patriotism is in all of us.. Only the intensity varies......

Come, Lets make a difference... Everyone, who has read this post this far is wants to make a difference, for our motherland... But How?? I am not asking you guys to jump on streets and start our protest... No... thats not the way.. Let us create a difference in a way we are capable of..... Give to this country, what u can?? Trust me thats more then suffice....

I have lots of plan... ways in which i think we can make a difference... but i want all ur views and opinions ... beacuse I and You alone cannot make much difference... WE can .

Please discuss your ideas on things that can make a difference.... atleast for those of us who want to do something but don't know what...

Together Lets Realize this dream.. Our India 2020... A nation that we always wanted it to be...

Only we can make the difference

www.ourindia2020.com